Friday, November 25, 2011

I'd like to throw puriety against the wall

I don't even know where to start with the wrongness of this

Christian singer Rebecca St. James was asked about how her recent marriage has impacted her stance on purity. The YouTube video is her response.

My response to her response: Seriously?????

So the most profound gift you can give your spouse is virginity on your wedding night, because it's showing faithfulness to one's spouse. Something physical, something that says nothing about the unique personality of either spouse, is the most profound gift. I don't have an issue with those who wait until marriage -- my issue here is that one's faithfulness is tied to the fact that one didn't have sex prior to marriage. Not about someone's character, not about someone's intentions, not about who that person is -- no, a physical quality.

She then goes onto to say that said faithfulness has really impacted their level of trust with one another, because they know that since each one was faithful prior to marriage, then each one will be faithful during the marriage.

Because no marriage between two virgins has ever ended in infidelity.

The implication behind these words is that if one of them hadn't waited for the other, but had had per-maritial sex, then the level of trust would be "less than" what they have now. Really? So they'd have less faith in the wedding vows? In the level of commitment one person has declared towards another? Someone's words and vows wouldn't matter as much? What really matters is a physical component prior to marriage?

That, and a virgin could be the most rotten person ever, but the fact that said virgin remained a virgin until the wedding night means ... best faithfulness ever?

Ugh. What mattered to me when I got married was someone who completely accepted me as I am, and wanted to be with me the rest of his life, through all sorts of times. Anything that occurred in prior relationships was just an important part of shaping who the person was who I married.


Vinny said...

I have been married for twenty-seven years to a woman I have known and loved for thirty-three years. I'm pretty sure that it has never occurred to me that what happened before we were involved with each other had any bearing on what we feel for each other. I know that she made an informed decision when she chose me. I am convinced of her love by what we have shared. I cannot imagine how any choices she made before we knew each other would alter that opinion.

D'Ma said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier. I'm glad to have found yours as well.

I think you should know as much as you possibly can about a person before you marry them. I think that honesty about the person they've been up to that point builds the kind of trust that sustains a marriage, not whether they've had sex with another person.

I also think that if you're deciding criteria in marrying a person is their virginity that makes you fairly shallow. That's not to say that it can't be important to you, but if that's a breaking point, maybe you should check yourself. Nobody is perfect. Maybe you've lied or stolen or envied or lusted. So judging someone based on their virginity and deciding they're disposable if they don't meet that expectation makes you unloving and unkind.

Lorena said...

I had no idea you were married :-)

As for Rebecca St. James, sadly she is just parroting what she heard from the pulpit and from the likes of James Dobson. That's the problem with Christian women. They have no backbone and have lost--or never acquired--the ability to think for themselves.

It is sad that said woman is modelling the parroting pattern to so many young women. Is she modelling chastity? Maybe, but I doubt it that it will stick.

... Zoe ~ said...

This reminded me of a woman I know. At one time she was married to a minister. (Not me.)

For all the hoopla about staying pure, I wonder about this woman who well, you know how they say size doesn't matter? Apparently it does. Her vagina was anatomically too short for his anatomically too large penis. To make matters worse, his sexual needs were abusive ... requiring her to be at his ready day or night, even three times a night. His needs, her pain . . . what a mess. It didn't last.

Responsible premarital sex should not be discouraged to my way of thinking. People don't think about matters like this. I wonder how many women suffer in silence.